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How to Argue and Win Every Time, at Home, at Work, in Court, Everywhere, Every Day, by GERRY SPENCE
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The Laws of Arguing According to Gerry Spence
1. Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.
2. Winning is getting what we want, which also means helping "others" get what they want.
3. Learn that words are a weapon, and can be used hostilely in combat.
4. Know that there is always a "biological advantage" of delivering the TRUTH.
5. Assault is not argument.
6. Use fear as an ally in pubic speaking or in argument. Learn to convert its energy.
7. Let emotions show and don't discourage passion.
8. Don't be blinded by brilliance.
9. Learn to speak with the body. The body sometimes speaks more powerfully than words.
10. Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the vision within ourselves.
- Sales Rank: #5254483 in Books
- Published on: 1996-01-01
- Format: Import
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.21" h x .91" w x 6.02" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 320 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Lawyer Spence's guide to winning arguments spent 26 weeks on PW's bestseller list.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
A celebrity defense lawyer who garners quantity face-time during publicity-soaked trials, Spence, as attentive O. J.-ers know, is the aw-shucks Wyomingite who hates neckties, prosecutors, bankers, and pretense in general. He also hates losing an argument, which he has rarely done in a courtroom. Here, Spence distills his bar experience into the secrets of his success and translates that into the plain language of the real world of jobs, romance, and child rearing. Spence exhorts readers to believe that the art of arguing is verily the art of living, and aversion to argumentativeness only hinders people from getting what they want. So throughout this disputation, Spence anticipates objections (which he dubs the "Lock" ) and supplies refutations (dubbed the "Key" ). Spence's overall keys to winning are to contend without being contentious, to persuade instead of overwhelming "the Other," and to always be credible. Though discursive in style, Spence's prose is pointedly sharp in essence and displays unself-consciously his own flamboyant personality. Rises above the herd in the conduct-of-life genre. Gilbert Taylor
Review
“How to Argue and Win Every Time is more than just a book about argument; it's the outline on how to live.” ―Larry king
“Gerry Spence is one of America's last true originals--a man who thinks as brilliantly as he lives, who writes as compellingly as he talks, and who practices law as faithfully as most people practice religion.” ―Dan Rather
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
A Critical, Must-Read for everyone, as everyone "argues" to change another's mind daily. Actually, hermits don't need to read.
By Dave S
I never have been a fan of defense attorneys. I dislike the long-haired, showy trademark look of some defense attorneys. I am not fond of "tree-huggers" who take up my time with their passion for causes that don't directly affect me in my daily trials and tribulations. Then, I read this book, introduced as a "critical, must-read" by a winning lawyer when I attended a Special Needs Education Law seminar put on by Pete Wright. Mr. Spence writes eloquently. He presents his thoughts so colorfully the reader doesn't even realize he or she is learning until thinking about it afterward. I crammed the book over a weekend in preparation for an official meeting Monday morning where I expected I'd have to negotiate and argue. I used a key lesson from Gerry {I can hear him saying don't call me Mr. Spence please} and I didn't have to argue, although I was prepared. I will be re-reading this book, probably several times, because it is so entertaining and instructional. And, I'm going to name that huge old Magnolia tree growing outside of my house. She is beautiful.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Successful Communication a Lawyer’s Perspective
By Thomas Wikman
This book is not about how to set up a winning argument providing the best evidence and the best logical case. It is about getting what you want as you communicate with others. People are emotional beings that focus not just on weighing the presented evidence. People have self interests, they are prejudiced, there are emotions and desires, group associations, and then there’s body language, and to get what you want they have to like you, etc. When you argue a case in court, or at home or at work, or to any group of people, you have to consider all of that.
Very briefly; you have to prepare, you have to listen to the other, you have to understand the other, find common ground, and you have to be credible. Therefore you should not avoid emotions and your argument should be personal, and you must always be truthful. Our argument cannot be perceived as a threat or we will never be heard, and assault is not argument. He discusses how to deal with prejudice and hostility and tells us that sometimes losing is winning and sometimes an argument shouldn’t be made at all. He also mentions that telling personal stories is a good way of getting people to see things your way. In addition to advice and guidelines there’s also quite a bit of wisdom and personal opinions, some of which I agree with and some of which I don’t agree with.
One thing I object to is that he sometimes overextends his perspective. For example, there are arguments, or communications, which should avoid emotions and for which the people involved and even their perceived credibility should not matter. I am talking about peer review in natural science and mathematical discourse, which I see as the best path towards “truth”. In that case only the evidence matter and the data and mathematical derivations speak for itself. However, that is outside of his expertise, like so much else that is outside of his expertise. That’s why I titled my review “A Lawyer’s Perspective”.
That does not mean it is not a good book. The book is filled with useful insights and I learned a lot from the book. One of the things I learned from this book is that if I know a lot about a subject and I am arguing with someone who’s very misinformed but stubborn I must resist the temptation to be patronizing, or to crush them. My goal should be to inform them, not to make them hate me. That was just one of many examples of what I’ve learned reading this book. I highly recommend this book.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Authors autobiography not advice
By College Reader
I have been trying to read this book for going on 8 months. I got it referred to me in a list of books and this is by far the hardest book I have ever had getting through it. I have found little to no substance on the psychological points of arguments, what arguments you will come up against, what type of arguers are out there etc. The only bit of advice I have found useful in the 200+ pages was one sentence which said to win an argument dosn't mean getting someone to admit they were wrong but to comply with what you want. That was it the rest of the book is Gerry smelling his own farts and talking about what a great lawyer he is. Seriously he cannot get more than 4 pages without reminiscing about a court case and dosn't even tell us if he won the argument or lost, results of the case, the point to the story. He is an extremely unlikable author the way he presents himself in the book which makes it of course harder to read and I imagine he is an extremely unlikable person in general
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